HEY YOU WHIPPERSNAPPERS, I'M STILL HIP!

When the hell did I get old? One day I was hip and cool. I could name off all the new and current songs on the radio. I could tell you the plots of all the latest films. Then one day, I woke up and all the singers on the radio were strangers. Now, I often mispronounce the names of musicians and actors. Like, who the hell is this Badge Pendley dude? And that F.U. song by Seymore Green is really catchy, isn’t it?

I look in the mirror and I don’t see an old person (unless I look in the really intense magnifying mirror – Yikes!) yet I’ve noticed lately that I hold my car keys and purse like an old person. I go to bed before ten p.m. like an old person. And I go out to eat like an old person – before six p.m. The other day, I caught myself wanting those kids off my lawn! Where did my youth go?

It’s little things that are giving away my age now. Like, I found myself the other day watching the PBS News Hour and looking up the meaning of “meh” on the internet. The Situation used to be my monthly flow, not some celebrity on the TV. On Sundays, I have to get back home early so I can watch 60 minutes. And if I’m wearing a thong these days, it’s because my granny panties are riding up and giving me a wedgy.

Age is relative, I know. But I do miss the days when I could stay up all night and still make it to work the next morning. When I could sing all the words to the latest number one hit song in my shower. When I could give my friends an honest review of the new blockbuster movie.

Oh, well. At least I’m still tech savvy. I do know how to text “CUL8R” on my Jittberbug phone. Meh.