HEY YOU WHIPPERSNAPPERS, I'M STILL HIP!

When the hell did I get old? One day I was hip and cool. I could name off all the new and current songs on the radio. I could tell you the plots of all the latest films. Then one day, I woke up and all the singers on the radio were strangers. Now, I often mispronounce the names of musicians and actors. Like, who the hell is this Badge Pendley dude? And that F.U. song by Seymore Green is really catchy, isn’t it?

I look in the mirror and I don’t see an old person (unless I look in the really intense magnifying mirror – Yikes!) yet I’ve noticed lately that I hold my car keys and purse like an old person. I go to bed before ten p.m. like an old person. And I go out to eat like an old person – before six p.m. The other day, I caught myself wanting those kids off my lawn! Where did my youth go?

It’s little things that are giving away my age now. Like, I found myself the other day watching the PBS News Hour and looking up the meaning of “meh” on the internet. The Situation used to be my monthly flow, not some celebrity on the TV. On Sundays, I have to get back home early so I can watch 60 minutes. And if I’m wearing a thong these days, it’s because my granny panties are riding up and giving me a wedgy.

Age is relative, I know. But I do miss the days when I could stay up all night and still make it to work the next morning. When I could sing all the words to the latest number one hit song in my shower. When I could give my friends an honest review of the new blockbuster movie.

Oh, well. At least I’m still tech savvy. I do know how to text “CUL8R” on my Jittberbug phone. Meh.

WHY DOES DIET CONTAIN THE WORD "DIE" IN IT?!

Today is the first day of my "die-t!" I've gained a few extra pounds from having some female problems in the past so I've decided to try to get these pounds off before they drive me completely insane!

I have a personal trainer that I train with twice a week and I walk at least 30 minutes a day; sometimes an hour. I also eat pretty well but instead of losing weight, I've simply been maintaining the weight, despite all the exercise. And that just sucks!

So yesterday I took my "die-t" to the next level and enrolled in Jenny Craig. I have to admit that I have a little trepidation when it comes to Jenny Craig. First, I'm a whole foods eater. I don't eat a lot of processed and packaged food - at all. Okay, maybe the occasional Amy's organic frozen pizza or rice bowl but that's about it. I'm just not a Lean Cuisine or Healthy Choice dinner entree kind of eater. I don't even own a microwave! (Yes, I know it's 2011!) So getting a whole week's worth of processed food in boxes which requires cooking in a microwave does have me a little intimidated to say the least. It only takes about 30 seconds to nuke an entree but at least 30 minutes to cook the meal in my convection oven. Which means a little extra planning on my part. There will be no nuking of the food. I'm already making the concession of eating processed food. I will not add insult to injury and "nuke" the "die-t" food.


Luckily, I can add my own fruits, salads and vegetables to supplement the processed dinners and snacks. This morning for my first meal of the Jenny Craig plan, I had a small yogurt, half an apple, 8 0z of skim milk, and a pretty large ham and cheese breakfast sandwich. The sandwich tasted surprisingly good for frozen processed food. And I had more food than I probably normally eat on a regular day.

I look at it this way... The extra weight I'm carrying due to hormonal changes in my body can potentially be detrimental to my health. And while I believe that processed food is not very good for you, it is only for a few short months. The Jenny Craig Plan is designed to be convenient in a time when one is feeling extremely inconvenient. And if they can help me get my size 6 body back by not starving myself to death, then I'm all for it! Perhaps I won't "die" from this diet after all.