TOP 50 FAILED CHILDRENS BOOK TITLES

These are just a few of the many would be childrens books that didn’t quite make the cut to your kid’s bookshelf: (** means I can't actually take credit for this one)

1. Little Trailer House on the Prairie
2. Are You There Zeus, It's Me, Margarelon?
3. How the Grinch Stole my Identity
4. Charlie and the Chocolate Sweatshop
5. Are you there Hare Krishna, It's Me, Freedom Moon Child?
6. The Fragmented Hard Drive of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler **
7. How the Mensch Stole Hannukah
8. The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Three Little Pigs
9. Are You There Ishvara, It's Me, Markathasandari?
10. The Bi-Polar Express
11. The Lion, The Witch, and The Ikea Pax/Komplement System* (*This Product Requires Assembly)
12. The Little Engine That Could But Only if It Takes Its Ritalin
13. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Rash
14. Is It Red? Is it Yellow? Is It Blue? An Adventure in Pills
15. The Indian in the Ikea AKURUM/RATIONELL System* (*Please call store for availability)
16. Where The Girls Gone Wild Things Are
17. Are You There Bog, It's Me, Magda?
18. Howl's Moving Trailer House
19. Don't Let the Pigeon Run the Federal Emergency Management Agency **
20. Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Call Girl
21. The Bitch of Blackbird Pond
22. Are You there Allah, It's Me, Marqooma
23. Stoned Soup
24. Charlie and the Soylent Green Factory **
25. How I Became a Somali Pirate
26. Best Little Whorehouse on the Prairie
27. The French Kissing Hand
28. If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, You'll Have an Infestation
29. Harold and His Purple Member **
30. Charlotte’s Webcam **
31. Charlie and the Glorious, Productive, Collectivized Armaments Factory **
32. Edith Wharton Hears a Who **
33. Orrin Hatches the Egg
34. Green Ham & Eggs
35. Little Crack House on the Prairie
36. Green Eggs & Spam
37. Charlie and the Meth Factory **
38. Curious George W. Bush
39. The Phantom Tollbooth Attendant **
40. Green Eggs and Other Delicious Environmentalist-themed Vegetarian Dishes **
41. Hop On Naked Pop **
42. Charlie and the Petro-Chemical Factory **
43. The Very Hungry Caterpillar is Going to Eat Your Family **
44. Where the Sidewalk Ends...Because the Infrastructure Money Went to Fund the War in Iraq
45. Charlie and the Cheap Taiwanese Radio Parts Factory **
46. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Sexually Transmitted Disease
47. One Ball Two Ball Red Ball Blue Balls
48. The Velveteen Rabbi **
49. Harry Potter and The Order of Kung Pao Chicken
50. Snow White & the Seven Growth Hormone Deficient Individuals **
    

Do you know of any more Failed Childrens Book Titles? If so, please feel free to add your list to the comments section. Because a mind is a terrible thing and it must be stopped in our lifetime!

Cheers!